"Make the Main Thing the Main Thing"

We got news yesterday that Ryan's "mission mom"—his mission president's wife—passed away yesterday. You'd think that since I wasn't in Ryan's mission with him that I wouldn't know her, but I do. And I wanted to tell you all a little bit about this wonderful lady I am so grateful to have known.

Us with the Egans at a mission reunion, 2009.

Ryan and I have spent our fair share of time at the Egan home, and we always felt welcome there. We had a “sleepover” there with two other married couples. (I remember vividly Sister Egan's attempt at humming "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" during Cranium, and President Egan having NO IDEA what song it was. It was so fun.) We watched a movie in their famous "baseball room." We enjoyed Labor Day braiis (a sort of African barbecue with more meat than is probably healthy). But today, there’s one memory that pulls most at my mind and my heart.

I had just learned I was pregnant, and because of a previous miscarriage I had received an ultrasound. When I did, there was no visible fetus. They said I was probably just not very far along and asked me to come back ten days later. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck for the next ten days.

During that time—on April 4, 2011, to be exact—I asked Ryan to take me for a drive. He asked where I wanted to go, and I told him I wanted to see my parents or his, which I knew wasn't an option since they lived so far away. So I asked for the next best thing: “Do you think we could go to the Egans’?”

A while later we found ourselves at the Egan home along with two other former missionaries. I apologized repeatedly to Sister Egan for coming when they already had company. I remember she said, “When you go to your parents’ house, and your brother or sister is there, do you apologize?” I shook my head. “That’s how it is here. You’re all our kids.” I was glad the feeling was mutual.

I love this photo of President and Sister Egan from Ryan's mission files.
[Photo by Rick Egan (President Egan's brother), Salt Lake Tribune]

That night, after everyone else had gone home and it was just the four of us left, Ryan asked President Egan to go downstairs with him. He knew I needed time with Sister Egan. That I needed a mom.

I don’t remember everything about our conversation, but I do remember some things. I remember telling her I was afraid of miscarrying again. I told her I knew that faith was important, but that the purpose of faith wasn't to change God's will. Through it all, she listened carefully and told me the things I believe my Heavenly Father needed me to hear. She was like an angel that way.

I remember Sister Egan telling me some of her own fears about having cancer. About dying. She told me what she was learning about submitting her will to God’s. She told me to ask Heavenly Father what I was supposed to learn from the experience. Before I left, she shared with me the thing that helped her most when she was sad, lonely and afraid and asked me to do the same—to serve someone every day.

I felt bonded to Sister Egan that night. We were two women, faced with our own unique challenges, both trying with everything we had to have faith enough in God to accept His will for us. Today, that then-invisible fetus has become a healthy, beautiful little girl. Sister Egan has passed away. And I’m learning again that the best thing we can do with our agency is to give it to God.

I’m especially humbled by something President Egan said at a mission reunion when Ryan and I had been married for just a few months. He said something to the effect of, “We’ve always been impressed with our missionaries, but we’re even more impressed with the people they’ve chosen to marry.” Then he smiled and said, “We didn’t know there were so many Sister Egans around.” Everyone laughed, because they all knew that each of those missionaries wanted to marry someone just like her.

Sister Egan gave all the missionaries pills to prevent them from getting worms in South Africa. As the wife of one of those missionaries, I am SO GLAD she did.

I hope I can one day live up to that kind comparison. I’m not a Sister Egan yet. But I am trying. Trying to serve others and to always, as she said so often, "make the main thing the main thing."

I'm so glad I know what I do about death. That it's really just another beginning. Ryan's mission has a song they sing at each reunion, and I've been thinking a lot about the third verse and the way it relates to Sister Egan now:

When our call is at a finish and we leave the battlefield

Can we truly say it's over? Do we dare lay down our shields?

Once as soldiers we're enlisted in the army of our God

Do your duty; hold your head up; carry on!

I know the Spirit World is a place of rest. And I also know it's a place where missionary work happens. I'm so glad I know that Sister Egan can continue to do what makes her happy, even now—serve people there just as she did here.

I'll miss you, Sister Egan. Thank you, so much, for everything.

To learn more about what we believe, visit mormon.org.