That's What's Happening

It's December, but I'm not going to blog about my Christmas tree (yet). I'm finishing a really good book, but I'm not going to blog about that. Nope. Today, I'd like to talk about verbs. Because I'm cool like that.

My dad had a nightmare the other night. In it, he was writing a book but was under contract to complete the novel without using any verbs. He found this infuriating. Who wouldn't?

(For those of you who are interested, he enlisted verbals to assist in his murder mystery, i.e. "The goal: to identify the killer.")

As I considered the real-life implications of such a predicament, I realized how hard that would actually be. Even nouns are verbs these days. As a grammar Nazi/schoolmarm, this intrigues me. Every noun—once people decide it's cool enough—becomes a verb.

The way I see it, becoming a verb is pretty much the coolest thing that can happen to a noun. However, the noun has no control over if or when it transforms. It just happens—I think the masses get the final say. There are a lot of attempts at making business' names into verbs, and as much as I admire the marketing directors' nerve, that's akin to giving yourself a nickname. Just don't do it.

Cases in point:

Cool: "Why don't you Google it?"
Not cool: "I used to Sizzler with my dad. Now my kids love it!"

Cool: "I wanted him to come to the party, so I Facebooked him."
Not cool: "The more you know, the more you Kohls."

Cool: "You got Jimmered."
Not cool: "I know. I think I'll Bing it."

... climbing off soapbox now ...