Talking

Tonight I'm remembering one particular day when I was pregnant. Ryan and I went to help our friends, Walter and Tiffany, move into a new apartment. Tiffany went back to their old place to pick something up and left Ryan and me with Walt.

"So, when is this happening for you?" Ryan asked, pointing at my stomach and looking at his friend expectantly.

"Actually, we're hoping to start the adoption process soon," Walt replied.

I was taken off guard by his response and didn't know what to say. I'm ashamed to say it, but my first reaction was to laugh. Walt has an odd sense of humor like that. But when he continued with "So, if you know anyone ..." I knew he wasn't joking.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. For months, I said nothing.

Then a few weeks ago, we had another couple over to watch the BCS National Championship. When the game grew dull and the conversation more lively, our friend casually mentioned something about going off birth control. I didn't know what to say about something so personal, so I again said nothing.
But a while later, it came up again. Lyla reached in our friend's purse and pulled out an ultrasound photo, announcing for them what they had planned to tell us later. Apparently, our friends had been off birth control for months. Nothing happened until a doctor prescribed a fertility treatment.

"So, do you mind if I ask you about it?" I said. "I don't want to ask if it's too personal, but I'd love to hear what that was like for you."

My friend's response opened my eyes and changed the way I thought about not just their situation, but Walt and Tiffany's as well.

"No, I'd love to talk about it," she said. "I want to talk about it because it helps me. But everyone is too afraid to ask."

So I asked my questions and they answered. I asked more questions and they told us more. Ryan asked his questions. And when our friends went home that night, we understood more about infertility---something we'd never experienced. We were more compassionate. More sensitive. More willing to ask hard questions.

So next time I saw Walt and Tiffany, I asked if they would mind talking about it. Like our other friends, they didn't mind at all.

They told us more about their story---that Tiffany knew when she was a teenager that she'd never be able to have biological children. Adoption was always Plan A for them. They had been waiting patiently until they met all the requirements for adopting through LDS Family Services.

They told us their case was moving forward and they could finally start spreading the world. They asked if we could help pass the word along.

So this post is my way of helping them become parents, because they will be really great parents. They are great with Lyla and have a wonderful home. They are rock solid individuals that make up a strong family. The babies that come to their home will be really, really lucky to have such great parents. You can get to know them even better over at their blog, also accessible through their button over on the left.

I guess the lesson of the day is that I shouldn't be afraid to ask questions. Talking about difficult things makes us more compassionate, more loving, and (most importantly) better able to help.