News Feed Cleanse

I read a study like this one some time ago, and I've kept it in the back of my mind ever since. Could Facebook really be contributing to my unhappiness?

At first glance, it seemed impossible. My friends are, in general, really good about posting positive things. What could be depressing about that?

But a few days ago I sensed it—a subtle but perceptible shift in my mood as I scrolled through my news feed during a break from freelance work. A friend of mine had spent the afternoon finger painting with her two-year-old son while I'd whittled the day away working on the computer.

Ryan sat by me as I read it. "My friend finger painted with her son today," I told him.

"So?" Ryan clearly didn't understand.

"So—I didn't finger paint. I just spent the afternoon working."

"You were earning money. That's great."

"Yeah. But—"

"Did your mom finger paint with you?"

I thought about it. "I don't think so," I said.

"Do you love her? Do you think she's a good mom? Do you think she raised you well and showed you she loved you? Do you think you have a good relationship with her?"

Well, of course I do. She was a great mom; she just wasn't a finger painting mom. We did other things together that we enjoyed. Surely whether she finger painted or not had nothing to do with her competency as a mother.

And in that moment of clarity, I decided to start a little experiment. I hid my finger painting friend from my news feed.

As much as I admired her for doing such great things with her kids, I somehow felt better when the photo of it disappeared. So then I unfollowed a few more of the posters who had similar effects on my psyche.

I didn't unfollow my friends because I don't like them. Quite the opposite—I clearly think they are incredible people with a lot of strengths. But I stack up those strengths against my own weaknesses enough in real life without being reminded of them in my downtime. And when I'm not comparing my lows to other people's Instagram-filtered highs, I can more clearly see that I'm a pretty good mom myself. I might not finger paint, but I am pretty darn good at coloring and dancing.

A woman at my church described the things we see in social media as "airbrushed reality." I think we all know, deep down, that the things Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest portray as normal are really the exceptional. It's kind of the point of social media, really—if we did post mundane everyday things, no one would like it. But it can still get to you.

My sister-in-law once pointed out that social media is, in some ways, like pornography. It feels good in the moment, but it leaves you empty and with a feeling that your reality is somehow lacking.

So I guess this news feed cleanse (as I've come to call it) is my little way of combating the voice in my head that tells me I'm not enough. Because you know what? I think I am. And I'd like to always think that, whether I'm online or not.