Things I Shouldn't Think

I shouldn't think those look so good.

I recently read "Is Everyone Hanging Out With Out Me? (And Other Concerns)" by Mindy Kaling. Apparently it's been out since 2011 so I don't know what took me so long.*

There's a part where she says she keeps lists of her favorite things on hand so that when someone asks her something like "What's your favorite food?" she can just pull out her list and tell them exactly what her favorite food is. No hemming and hawing; no wondering, What IS my favorite food?

She says she hopes this will make her seem "self-actualized," and I like that concept. I think the phrase technically means to realize your full potential, but I like the way she used it to mean "fully knowing yourself." It made me think, "Do I even know what my favorite food is?"

So I started thinking along those lines to try to get to know myself. And after a while I realized I have a phrase that I use in my mind a lot, and it prevents me from really knowing (or maybe being?) myself: "I should."

I use it when I feel like I'm expected to think or act or be a certain way when I'm really not inclined to do so. As I've tried stopping those thoughts, I'm happier. I'm more true to myself. And I'm still a good person.

Here are some "I should"s that I've been working to eliminate:

I should stop eating so much. I think I say this one because I eat pasta, peanut butter, donuts, muffins, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and other things that everyone knows are bad. I take in a lot of calories. But why shouldn't I, exactly? 1. Because I don't need the calories? I do. I'm nursing and sometimes struggle to make enough food for Nora. 2. Because I'll get fat? I exercise fairly regularly and use most of the calories I take in. And what's so bad about being fat, anyway? 3. Because those calories are taking the place of other, more important calories? We eat a fair amount of vegetables and fruits and fish and are basically addicted to green smoothies. I think I'm good.

I should stop working so much. I spend a good chunk of every day writing and I tell myself I shouldn't. I haven't even taken a shower yet today, so I feel like I shouldn't be blogging. But why? I enjoy it. I do it when my girls are taken care of. I have other good reasons for working. I think maybe it's because people in the Church aren't usually super excited about moms working, but I know Ryan likes that I work and I don't think my girls mind me feeling more fulfilled, happy and productive, which writing makes me feel. Why would I tell myself to cut back on that?

I should get up earlier. This is a big one. I've been fighting this one for YEARS. I'm not naturally a morning person. Sometimes I get up pretty early, to get to the gym and everything, but I have a hard time getting out of bed and always hit snooze a few times. That makes me feel like I'm lazy, but it shouldn't. There's no rule that says you have to be up by a certain time to be a good, productive person. Just the one I made up in my head.

I shouldn't be enjoying this show. I usually think this when I'm watching The Bachelor. I hesitate to even admit I watch it. But I like it! I think it's hilarious! It's not real, people! They just want to be famous! And they're so FUNNY! I like it! I do! And that's OK!

What "I should"s do you tell yourself? Or is it just me?

*(Disclaimer: She kind of has a mouth on her. A hilarious mouth, but a mouth.)