Perfect Fit

My closet looks nothing like this.

I started going through my clothes a couple days ago. It happens every once in a while. I go through my closet and drawers and get rid of old, stretched-out, dingy clothes to make room for new. It's cleansing, really. Even if it's a horrible job.

But this time through my dresser was a little different. For the first time, I was trying on my clothes with my post-pregnancy body. My hips are a little wider, my stomach a little squishier. I don't have the body I had when I started college—the body I had when I bought most of the clothes.

I tried on one of my favorite button-down shirts and watched it pull in all the places it never pulled before. I told myself I could keep it because it would fit one day—one day, after I do 200 crunches a day and stop nursing and get my pre-pregnancy body back.

But I don't really like that term: "Get my body back." Like I lost it or something. Like using my body to grow and feed a brand new person somehow took something from me, when it really gave me something that changed my life—for the better—forever.

With a balanced diet and exercise, I can get my body back to what it used to be—my pre-pregnancy body. And then what? For the next 10 years or so (give or take), my body will be in a constant state of transition between pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and post-pregnancy. I'll get firm and squishy and firm again. Around and around, for as long as I'm so very blessed to bear children.

As I begin those years, I've decided on a few things I will (and will not) do:

1. I will drink up every moment of change my body goes through while having children, whether I'm growing or shrinking. Every. Moment.
2. I will not believe myself unattractive because of a few extra curves.
3. I will take care of my body and keep it healthy.
4. If I don't work out one day, or if I have an extra cookie, I will not feel guilty. An extra 50 calories will not kill me.
5. I will see my body for the beautiful creation it is.

When I watch TV and movies, I see women who sacrifice so much for physical beauty. Women who tone every muscle in their body, who never have dessert, who never have children.

I wouldn't trade them for all the well-fitting button-down shirts in the world. And I've decided one thing: motherhood is beauty.