What Works

First of all—wow! Thank you, everyone, for the comments and links to my last post about motherhood and beauty. It makes me so happy when something I write resonates with someone, and I got more of a response for that post than ... probably anything I've ever written, ever. So thanks, everyone. Really, thanks a lot. 

When we first met, Ryan used to laugh at my default answer to almost any question: both. I don't like to make difficult decisions, so I eliminate the need to do so whenever possible. Do I want pepperoni or Hawaiian pizza? Half and half. Do I want to do your homework or go to the football game? I'll study before it starts. Should I have this friend over or that one? Make it a party.

So you can only imagine what my response was when I had to decide whether to keep writing when Lyla was born.

Choosing both in these more difficult decisions wasn't nearly as much of an option for women 50 or even 10 years ago. But with the Internet has come more opportunities to use our time well (and more opportunities to waste it, but that's a subject for another day). I don't have to get up before dawn, catch a bus and be away from home for 12 hours a day to work. These days, I work while my little girl sleeps. Usually in the same room.

Ryan and I spoke at the BYU-Idaho Networking Summit last week. He spoke to CIT students about jobs in IT, graduate schools and internships. I spoke about networking to establish yourself as a freelance writer, which is what I do these days. Once we got there, I realized quickly who I was speaking to. I was one of three women on the 15-person panel and the only mother.

I directed my comments to students like me—women who want to develop their talents and grow in their skills while helping their children grow and develop too. I took care of Lyla throughout the day, and made sure she was happy while I spoke and visited classes. Being a mother is my first job. Writing is my second.

I spoke with Caryn Esplin, one of my favorite teachers at BYU-Idaho, at dinner after the summit. She said, "I think a lot of young women in the Church think they're not supposed to do anything professionally while they're mothers, but there are ways if that's what you want to do. You showed them that. It's good for them to see."

What she said made me think. I know a lot of women who don't work professionally from home and are perfectly happy. I also know a lot of women who do, and they are equally happy. For the right kind of woman, a work-from-home or be-your-own-boss or work-while-the-kids-are-at-school-or-napping job is just the ticket to emotional and mental balance. It made me think of one of my favorite quotes from President Hinckley, one that I reflected on over and over during my dating years. He said of choosing a man to marry,

"Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents."

If you asked me what I love more than anything in the world, I would say, "Ryan and Lyla."
And if you asked me what I'm doing today, I would say "Taking care of Lyla and writing."

And for me, that's what works.

Celebrating Baby

This little girl isn't even here yet, and we're already making a big fuss over her.

A big, pink, frilly, delicious fuss.

As much as I wish I could take credit for the creativity behind our baby shower, I can't. It was all my mom and sister. They know how to properly celebrate a little girl, and from the moment we were all in Idaho over General Conference weekend we got down to business with pink tissue paper, pink toulle, pink snacks, pink cupcakes and pink balloons.

But then all our friends and family stopped by, and I stopped worrying about the decorations. At that point, I mostly just felt very, very loved.

I don't know how we crammed so many people into my parents' living room, but it was wonderful. It could have been my seven-month-pregnant emotions, but I felt so touched when I saw so many people come—aunts, cousins, sisters, nieces, friends' moms, neighbors—to show their love for us and our little girl. And we were so busy chatting and eating and celebrating, we didn't take many pictures until everyone had mostly gone home.

After most of the girls had cleared out and the husbands
were back from priesthood session.

When we came back to Utah and unpacked everything our friends brought to the shower, I felt a lot like I did after my bridal shower. We have so many friends and family members who have done this before and who know what we'll need, and they brought those things for us. They were so generous—we unloaded diapers, baby shampoo, dresses, clothes, books, quilts, stuffed animals, blankets and toys into her little dresser and felt so blessed. On one hand, it made me really excited to meet her and dress her up. And on the other, it made me want to pass the generosity along.

So thanks, everyone. We are one lucky little family indeed.

Summertime Is So Fine

That last post was obviously the highlight of our summer, but the rest of it has been pretty great too. Here are some photo highlights in no particular order.

We hiked the Y last week. I'm embarrassed at how much my legs hurt for the next couple four days.

Outdoor movie with the Olavesons. ALL the Olavesons—it was a fantastic weekend!

I've always been a bit more into the food at the lake than the skiing,

though watching Ryan ski is undoubtedly ah-mazing.

Obviously, I was determined not to get sunburned. Don't worry. I didn't.

This photo from the 24th of July is proof that our little girl has the genetic potential to be all kinds of cute.

My mom and sister Jenny with the Bennett family's 2010 babies in tow. Little Z's ponytail rocks, and little B thinks that smiling means opening your mouth as wide as you can. Totally cute, right?

I was nearly smacked in the shins with a bocce ball in the shooting of this picture.

More proof of our little girl's genetic potential for cuteness. Just prior to this picture, I heard these two confirm their status as "best cousins."

Our little girl has pretty adorable cousins on the Olaveson side too. Doesn't this picture just make you want to run through a sprinkler or something?

And of course—the first official baby bump photo. 21 weeks.

All in all, it's been a pretty fantastic summer. We still have a family reunion, high school reunion (am I that old?), wedding and trip to Chicago to pack into these last few weeks, and then—bring on football season!

Thanks, Bonnie, for the Olaveson family pictures! My camera was MIA most of the weekend, apparently.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa

My mom has that crooked smile. So does my brother.

My grandpa passed away last August. Yesterday would have been his 97th birthday. And though I intended to write this just after the funeral, a lot of things happened all at once and I got so caught up in getting from one day to the next that it didn't happen until today. But I don't think Grandpa will mind me writing about him on his birthday instead.

Grandpa was a farmer. He was also a redhead, a father and a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was a cowboy and worked his fingers to the bone. He married Grandma three days after she graduated from high school and, until she passed away, I don't think I ever saw the two of them apart. Ever. And I love what that says about them and their marriage.

Grandma and Grandpa had six kids. My mom is his namesake. She has to repeat and spell her name for people all the time, but she never seems to mind. She loves that she's named after her dad and she tells people the story all the time. "Lylene. My father's name is Lyle."

Grandpa and I played checkers a lot when I was little. I distinctly remember his constant reminder: "You can't move backwards." I knew that was a rule, but I was relatively certain that Grandpa moved backwards all the time. It wasn't until years later that I realized he was only moving backwards from my perspective, and I still laugh to myself about my frustration.

Grandpa took me to a Daddy-Daughter Date in our ward when I was nine. For some reason my dad couldn't come, and I remember getting all dressed up to go out with him. I suppose I should take back what I said earlier—that day, I did see Grandpa without Grandma. But only for that hour or two.

Grandma, Grandpa and two of my aunts. My mom was the next baby to come, but not until a few years later.

At Grandma's funeral, Grandpa told his bishop, "My family is priceless to me." The closer Grandma and Grandpa got to the end of their earthly lives, the more apparent that became. It didn't matter what they did for a living, what clothes they wore or how much money they had. Only two things mattered: the gospel and their family.

Ryan and I moved to Provo last April and we stopped by Grandpa's house as we passed through. We had a nice visit with Grandpa. He asked about Ryan's grandparents, who he's known for years and always loved. He asked about our move to Provo. For part of the visit, we didn't say much—we were just together. And Grandpa held my hand for a really long time.

Lyle and Fern Scott family, taken two years before I was born in 1986.

When we left, Grandpa walked out on his back porch (which took a lot of exertion and worried me terribly) and watched for us to drive down the road behind his subdivision. When he saw us, he smiled and waved until we were out of sight. I knew it was difficult for him to get on the porch and stand and wait, and that meant more to me than I think he'll ever know.

At Grandpa's funeral, my uncle said, "Today Mom and Dad are claiming the blessings promised them in the Salt Lake Temple," and that still gets me. They lived together in life—most of the time in the same house. And today they're still living together. That's why we love the gospel. That's why we love the temple. Because in the end, it really is all about family.

I love you, Grandpa. Happy birthday.

Who knew?

... that I could get so much joy out of decorating an entertainment center?
That my nieces and nephews could love their new uncle as much as they love their favorite aunt?
That married wards could be so fun?
That making surprise cookies for dessert could give me such a rush?
That couches could be the funnest purchase of the year?
That it would ever bug me when my bed wasn't made?
That someone would ever love me enough to blow dry my hair for me?
That I wouldn't mind doing someone else's laundry?
That you really can have a best friend forever?
That two families would be better than one?

Who knew that life could be this wonderful?