Hey, Little Lady

It's hard to describe what I feel when I look at that photo.

That's my pretty little girl. And though I've seen hundreds of ultrasound photos in my life (that's twenty nieces' and nephews' worth of photos), this is completely, 100 percent different. 

We saw our sweet baby's little face on Wednesday, and this is a picture of what we saw. I've never felt anything like it. We watched her heart beat and easily counted all four chambers. We saw the perfect curve of her spine (with no sign of spina bifida). We got a 3D glimpse of her little button nose (we're thinking it's mine) and watched her constantly put her arms up by the sides of her face just like her daddy does when he's sleeping. Ryan held my hand and I saw him differently, too—he's not just my husband anymore. He's her daddy too, and that makes me love him even more.

The ultrasound tech said she was "about 200 percent sure" that our baby is a girl—what a kind baby to make it so clear for us! We listened to her heart beat, saw some images of blood circulation and tried to count toes on her tiny feet (though the ultrasound tech said those tiny feet were actually pretty long). 

In the half hour we spent taking our first peeks at our sweet baby girl, I realized I was already completely wrapped around her teeny, tiny finger. She's a brand new person, and she's coming to Ryan and me. I keep these pictures by our bed and sometimes get teary when I look at them. She's healthy. She's growing. She's perfect. And she's ours.

Empty Closets and Big Dreams

Two nights before we got married, I distinctly remember laying in my bed and staring at my empty closet. I had moved everything into our apartment already, and my room felt eerily empty, devoid of everything I needed to live there long-term.

I'd moved out before, but never like this. Three years prior, I packed up everything I thought I would need for the year and drove my little Geo a mile down the road to college. I later moved to Provo for a semester and even spent a month in New York. But this was different. The room was really empty.

I was really moving, and I had no Plan B. I was putting all my eggs in the Ryan basket. And though I had absolutely no reason to fret, I began to worry that Ryan just might change his mind. The thought of it terrified me more than I'd ever been terrified in my life.

But at the same time I knew that once we were good and married, my closet wouldn't be empty anymore. My closet would be next to Ryan's, and it would be nice and full.

Every once in a while, I get that empty-closet feeling. The feeling that big things are happening—so big that you can't just come home and have everything back to normal if something doesn't go just right. I'm starting to get that feeling with this sweet little baby who makes the cutest little jabs at my ribs a few times a day. I already love this little person so much, and I find myself once again putting all my eggs in one basket.

It's like being engaged again. Most of the time, the whole situation makes me nothing but deliriously happy. But sometimes, I get a little bit nervous. I don't know how to be a mom. I don't know what it will be like to have three people to take care of instead of two. I don't know how it will affect our finances.

But I know the same thing about this little person inside me that I knew about Ryan two years ago—I love it. I love it enough to take big chances, to have big dreams. I love it enough to make big changes. And that kind of love makes those empty closets a lot less scary.


P.S. Are you tired of us referring to the baby as "it"? Us too. But don't fret —we find out on Wednesday if we're having a pretty little girl or handsome little boy! Make your prediction on the poll to the left if you'd like. Or just wait and see. I'm pretty sure it's already decided anyway. :)

I'm Going to Miss This

The other day I was driving to work, even though I didn't really want to. I was exhausted. I was impatient with the rainy weather and hadn't gotten out of the house as early as I'd hoped. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't wait until this summer when Ryan and I can commute together. Even though nothing really bad was happening, I honestly just wanted the day to pass. 

I hadn't paid much attention to the radio, but as I came around the curve on University Parkway I became vaguely aware that a slow, swanky country song was on. That happens sometimes when Ryan is last to drive the car, but I didn't bother changing.

The song was pretty cheesy and really didn't have anything to do with my situation, but for some reason I felt like it did. It was about raising children and how the phases they go through pass more quickly than you think they will. Maybe it was because I felt a bit like a child, or because I was so tired, or because the song reminded me of another I heard a while ago, but at that moment I felt one thing and one thing only (and I apologize for the somewhat cliché sentiment):

You're gonna miss this.

By the time I came to the intersection of State and University I had realized—or perhaps more accurately, remembered—that the days I had wished away just moments ago actually would fly by. That a month from now, I'll wonder where April went. A year from now, I'll look back at the time Ryan and I spent at Wymount away from Idaho for the first time and figuring out how to be a family of our own.

Five years from now, I am going to miss the nights when Ryan and I sat in the front room telling each other every detail of our days and discussing important things like why my co-worker doesn't celebrate his birthday or what time we should get in line for the upcoming BYU game. 

I'm going to miss this. 

And since then, I've noticed the way Ryan's smile gets bigger when the end of the semester gets closer. I've rediscovered my love for cooking and buried myself deeper in good books. I've called my parents on the phone more often and even created a themed family home evening for Ryan and I. Because when I miss this, I want to have a lot to remember.

We're a FAMILY!

Welcome to our family blog! Since we're, you know, a family now. Go ahead, become a follower! You won't be disappointed.

We've been married a month on Monday! I know, I know, that's nothing, but we're SO EXCITED.

This month, we:

1. Got married! (pictures still pending. See this post for links to awesome pictures)
2. Honeymooned in Vegas

3. Hung out with some cool characters while we were there,


















4. Made a blue friend,

(three, actually)
5. Came home and bought a plunger at 11 p.m.
6. Used the plunger at midnight
7. Sifted through our wedding gifts


8. Bought a DVD player with gift cards
9. Watched a million DVDs
10. Went to dinner with a great friend

11. Made banana bread
12. Made no-bakes
13. Left the no-bakes on our roof of the Beetle on our way to my parents' house
14. Started keeping receipts
15. Paid our first gas and electric bills
16. Had a rockin' Fourth


17. Debated the pros and cons of paying an extra dime for Yoplait yogurt
18. Went boating with the Olavesons and the shared cousins
19. Wrote hundreds of Thank You cards


21. Loved every minute of it