Overdrive

We put my Beetle up for sale a couple months before Lyla was born, just to see if we got any nibbles. It wasn't practical to keep the Bug around, and I knew it—I'd watched my poor friend try to strap her baby's car seat in the back seat and, while she found a way, it looked awful. I bought that car to take with me to my first internship, I'd saved for years to buy it, and it was all mine. Letting go of it felt like letting go of a part of me.

I know. I'm pathetic.

Months went by, and not a single bite. Our car had made it all the way to page 6 on KSL Classifieds before we got a call. The next morning, we said goodbye to my cute little Beetle car.

After we made the sale, Ryan asked how I was feeling. "OK," I said. "Letting go of that car was hard. But I'll be even more sad when we get rid of the Honda."

We drove (ahem, lost) Ryan's black Honda Accord on our first date. Once we found it I sat in that car for literally minutes waiting for him to ask for my number. He never did. (Really, never. To this day, Ryan has never asked for my number.)

We ran to the warmth of the Honda after Ryan proposed in the freezing wind of a Rexburg winter, and I sat in it and cried because I was so happy. We drove the Honda to the temple for our sealing and home from our wedding reception. A couple months ago, we brought Lyla home from the hospital in that car. It has history.

Then, just last Friday (not even a week after we sold the Beetle), Ryan suggested we go "look around" Ken Garff Honda in Orem. We'd met my brothers for lunch and Lyla was still in her pajamas. We thought it would be a quick trip, but three hours, a test drive and some paperwork later, we'd traded the Accord for a 2006 Honda Pilot.

I tend to attach a lot of value to things. Cleaning out my closet is hard because I have memories of wearing the clothes. Getting rid of cell phones is difficult because I don't want to lose text messages. So you can only imagine the trauma I was anticipating as I let go of the car with so many memories attached.

But the night before we went to pick up the Pilot, I couldn't sleep. I was so excited to drive it again. So excited to take it to Texas. Excited for Lyla to graduate from a rear-facing carseat to a booster to a seat belt in that car. Excited to bring home more children from the hospital in a bigger, safer car.

The Accord was a good car. So was the Bug. And we're so, so excited for the Pilot.

Some Thoughts on Balance

The night I realized Ryan just might be perfect for me.

I remember distinctly the night I put Ryan through my standard dating test. I don't remember considering it a test per se, but I did know that once I brought up the subject he might lose interest just like the other boys I'd dated.

But when I told Ryan that I wanted to do things besides be a stay-at-home mom, he didn't freak out. He completely understood what I meant when I said it, too—not that I didn't want to be a mom, and not that my kids wouldn't have my complete attention and be my highest priority—but that I wanted to do things to enrich my life and develop my talents and even further my career in the spaces between carpools and diaper changes.

He got it. He liked it. He called me the next day. And I realized Ryan could maybe be the one for me.

After we got married, I finished my degree and somehow found my writing making its way to over a million subscribers worldwide. Those were my balanced days. I would study my scriptures on the bus in the morning. I would put in a full day's work at a job I loved. I'd read a novel on the bus ride home. I'd come home and spend time with my handsome husband. I would sew or bake or watch TV at night. I felt peaceful. I felt balanced. I felt enriched.

At the end of the internship, they asked me to stay for another year on a contract basis. If I'd accepted the offer, I'd still work there. Sometimes I wish I had. But I got another offer that seemed like a much better decision at the time—it was a full-time, benefited position closer to home for more pay with no contract.

Hint: If there's no contract, they can eliminate your position without notice. I found myself without a job in April. And since then, I've been ... adjusting.

More than anything, it was hard for me to be home all day. I suddenly had so much time on my hands—more than I ever had. It was difficult to find motivation to get things done around the house when there was no deadline. But after several months of learning and trying and praying and adjusting to being without a full-time job, I've learned to find happiness in taking care of our house, meals and finances.

I've also come to an important realization: the secret to happiness is still in balance.

I took on a couple of freelance writing jobs a few weeks ago. Nothing huge—just some small projects. The combined total hours I've spent working on both projects is less than three days' work in a full-time position. But these projects have done something for me.

I've found that when I write, I become more motivated to do other good things. Writing makes me want to clean up the house. It makes me want to get going on dinner. It makes me feel productive and happy—even if it's just for a few minutes every day. Instead of leading me away from my duties as a wife and (soon) mother, working a little on the side makes me better at them. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say in these ramblings is this: Doing something every day to help me feel enriched physically, emotionally, mentally and—yes—professionally makes me happy. 

I'm happy because I'm balanced. 

Different things make different women happy, but I think we all need to find whatever that is and make it part of our lives, no matter what phase of life we are in. That appropriate life balance is something I hope to always, always keep. For my own and for my family's sake. 

Busy Busy Busy

Just peeking in to say hello.
P.S. This picture was taken on my birthday. Back when we knew our baby was coming but no one else did. Can you see the excitement in our eyes?

We've been a different kind of busy lately. Summer was a fun busy, in a family-reunions-road-trips-finishing-internships-visiting-family sort of way. But so far, fall has been a little different.

When we got back from Chicago, I looked at the calendar. And I couldn't believe what I saw.

"Ryan, I'm six months along now. Our baby will be here in three months."

That seemed a lot closer than the three-and-a-half months we had left when we headed to Chicago, and it kind of put us in high gear. That week, we bought a crib. The next week, I repurposed our old giant bedskirt into a tiny one (with bows, obviously) for our little girl. I bought pink sheets and mattress covers.

Meanwhile, Ryan was schmoozing recruiters on campus. In the long term, that means securing an internship for this summer that will likely turn into a full-time job commitment once he graduates. It means we're starting to really talk about where we want to be for the next three to ten (that's three to TEN) years of our lives. It means looking into elementary schools for our baby and calculating cost of living in several different states.

In the short term, it means Ryan has brought home two free t-shirts and come home full every day from all the free food. He even brought me home a J-Dawg. Highlight of the week.

Well, almost the highlight. We bought a stroller and car seat, which was pretty awesome. And I fixed up my old dresser this week for the baby's room, and I'm in love. It was just a little paint and some new handles, but I think our little girl really likes it. She's been kicking like crazy since I started working on it.

Or maybe she's just starting to get cramped. I know I am.

So there's a quick little update. When we get more reliable Internet service, I'll show you the new dresser.

Be excited. Be very excited.

First Comes Love

February 2009

then comes marriage

June 2009

then comes ...

arriving November 2011

in a baby carriage.

We love it already.

We are so happy.

And we are so, so excited.

Like the Wind

My friends and I must have watched A Walk to Remember at least a gazillion times during Jr. High. There's this really swoony line at the end where Landon says, "...but our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it."

That's what I thought of when I wrote the title of this post, but that's not how I meant it. I meant it in a Toy Story 2 type of way, as in "Run like the wind, Bullseye!" We went to the Homestead in Midway last weekend and Ryan joined my sister-in-law, niece and nephews for their annual race.

I don't want to brag, but I'm so totally going to. Ryan took 8th place overall, first in his age group and ran the 5K in 21:33. He ran, well, like the wind.

I didn't join him this time around, though I doubt I could have made a very good showing. Next year, though. Next year.

Here's the finish. The "professional runners" by brother refers to were a team of teenage girls who were in seriously good shape. And I ran into my mom during filming, which explains some jerkiness. But don't let that distract you from his impeccable form. I kind of have a crush on him.

And if you don't mind an overload of cuteness, look at this video of my niece I filmed during the awards. She may be slightly cranky in this particular clip, but she's mostly cute. She just learned her first word. Aww.

Lots of cuteness.

Two More Years

Life is uncertain sometimes.

It is especially uncertain when you're young, newly married and have only a nebulous semi-idea of where you want to be in five years (OK, two). You might know, for example, that you want to be somewhere, doing something with computers and writing books, with some kids. But you don't know where you want to be, or what type of company you want to work for or what kind of books you'll write, or how many kids you'll have. That sort of thing.

And when you're living like that, days like last Monday make you pretty excited. Like, ecstatic.

We spent the day sending each other text messages about when the decision would be posted and mulling over his test scores and GPA in our minds. We thought a decision would be posted by 2 p.m. and we ended up having to wait until five(!), but when we logged in to Ryan's BYU account at 5:02, this is what we saw:

Do you know what that means?! It means that Ryan will graduate without a bachelor's (technically), but with a master's. It means that he will be starting those master's classes as a senior this fall. It means Ryan will have a master's degree at 26. It means we will be in Provo for another two years. It means we now officially know what we're doing for the next. two. years.

That's, like, as long as we've been married. I feel like we just bought a house or something. Like we're set forever, because that's what two years feels like right now.

And hopefully when we get there, we'll have a better idea of where we'll be in the next three.

I'm Going to Miss This

The other day I was driving to work, even though I didn't really want to. I was exhausted. I was impatient with the rainy weather and hadn't gotten out of the house as early as I'd hoped. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't wait until this summer when Ryan and I can commute together. Even though nothing really bad was happening, I honestly just wanted the day to pass. 

I hadn't paid much attention to the radio, but as I came around the curve on University Parkway I became vaguely aware that a slow, swanky country song was on. That happens sometimes when Ryan is last to drive the car, but I didn't bother changing.

The song was pretty cheesy and really didn't have anything to do with my situation, but for some reason I felt like it did. It was about raising children and how the phases they go through pass more quickly than you think they will. Maybe it was because I felt a bit like a child, or because I was so tired, or because the song reminded me of another I heard a while ago, but at that moment I felt one thing and one thing only (and I apologize for the somewhat cliché sentiment):

You're gonna miss this.

By the time I came to the intersection of State and University I had realized—or perhaps more accurately, remembered—that the days I had wished away just moments ago actually would fly by. That a month from now, I'll wonder where April went. A year from now, I'll look back at the time Ryan and I spent at Wymount away from Idaho for the first time and figuring out how to be a family of our own.

Five years from now, I am going to miss the nights when Ryan and I sat in the front room telling each other every detail of our days and discussing important things like why my co-worker doesn't celebrate his birthday or what time we should get in line for the upcoming BYU game. 

I'm going to miss this. 

And since then, I've noticed the way Ryan's smile gets bigger when the end of the semester gets closer. I've rediscovered my love for cooking and buried myself deeper in good books. I've called my parents on the phone more often and even created a themed family home evening for Ryan and I. Because when I miss this, I want to have a lot to remember.

T-T-T-Teach Me How to Jimmer

I'm just so excited I have to show you.
On this video, skip to 2:17, then squint. See? That's me on the left!



Yes, I knew they were filming.
Yes, I was crazy-excited.
Yes, I still played it cool.
No, Ryan wasn't there yet. He was in class or whatever. Pshh.
Yes, I've watched this multiple times.
Yes, I can sing nearly every word. Don't judge.

And yes, we have plans for tomorrow. We will not answer phone calls or the door from 5:27 until approximately 7:27. Send a text if you must.

But really, you should be watching too.

Tiger Time and Table Toppers

I came home from work today to find that Ryan had been golfing all afternoon.

Well, not ALL afternoon. And not ACTUALLY golfing.

I think Tiger Woods Golf reminds Ryan of when he used to play it on the XBox with his brother-in-law.

Maybe it makes him feel like a high schooler again.

 Or maybe it's just cheaper than actually going golfing.

You should see his victory dances when he gets an eagle.

Lights up my life.

And while he was golfing, I got to work on this:

However, that was made more difficult by the fact that I had no brain. At all.

 It took me at least an hour longer than it should have to finish up the piecing.

I forgot I'd already cut the pink strips and couldn't figure out why I was running out of fabric,

then proceeded to piece together what little I had to try to make up for it.

After I FINALLY finished with them, I saw the neatly pressed pre-cut strips on the table behind me. 

So much for making it easy.

Then I cut half as much of the floral print as I needed

and pieced bits of it together to come up with enough.

There may or may not be three seams where there should be ... zero.

I also may have forgotten about the whole "right sides together" thing there at the end.

And I may have proceeded to press the seams before they actually existed.

BUT

It's ready to be quilted.

Let's all hope my brain starts functioning before then.

Thicker Than Water

I saved three lives today. No big deal.

Actually, I saved three and Ryan saved three. Our stake had a blood drive and I was looking forward to it. Donating blood is a totally legit service that you give by sitting in a recliner, squeezing a stress ball and eating cookies. Also, if I ever need blood, I hope some nice people set some aside for me. It's pretty much a win-win.

My phlebotomist was named Ryan. Ryan's wasn't named Bre, but she was still cool. When Ryan (the phlebotomist) stuck me with the needle, a nice stream of blood shot right out of my elbow and onto my shirt. Ryan (my husband) asked how things were going. I told him about the shower and I don't think he believed me at first. But really, it happened. And it was totally sweet. My blood is so talented.

Afterward they gave us Lorna Dune cookies and a lot of juice. Ryan (husband) was shattered when they didn't have Famous Amos cookies waiting for him. Such a cookie connoisseur.

I was panting coming up the stairs when we got home and still feel like I'm going to pass out after standing for longer than 30 seconds.

Ryan's running around like nothing happened. He's so healthy.

And in case you can't tell, my brain isn't functioning at 100 percent. Sorry.

We {heart} February

February used to be my absolute least favorite month of the year. I've never been a Valentine's Day hater—that was actually the best part of the month most of the time. But it was always freezing in Idaho and dark and somehow I seemed to always be taking a 7:45 class, usually in the building furthest from my apartment. I seriously detested it.

But a few years ago I met a really nice boy, and my Februaries have significantly improved. We find all kinds of reasons to celebrate and we love it. For example,

1. THREE years ago last Saturday, this handsome missionary came home.

You better believe we've been celebrating his mission with chapatis, milk tart, mission photos and giant flags all weekend. And Invictus. We love Invictus.

2. TWO years ago yesterday we picked out a little sparkly.

3. ONE year ago this month we sold our contract and officially made plans to move to Utah.

4. and TODAY, Ryan got a 93% on his programming project. After 60 hours (give or take) of work, that is so worth celebrating.

Happy February!

We'll Never Fredette It

Today, I overslept by an hour. • woke up in the night because I swear Ryan was singing the Cougar Fight Song in his sleep. He says he wasn't, but it was SO real. • worked 8 1/2 hours to make up for leaving early yesterday. • might have dreamed about Jimmer. • have had a scratchy throat all day • can hardly keep my eyes open • feel like I ran a marathon.

Today, Ryan fell asleep for 1 1/2 hours after I left for work. • made a conscious effort to stop reading ESPN.com. • sounds like he could sing bass. • smiled as he rode past the Marriott Center. • woke up starving. • is way behind on his homework.

But it's all worth it, because yesterday, we were there.

For all our Idaho friends, here's a video that might give you a teensy weensy taste of what it was like. Except imagine a two-hour adrenaline rush. And a loss of all inhibitions. A really funny loss of inhibitions. I might have screamed "We are naming a child James!" at one point.

 

P.S. Sorry you have to hear my annoying/half gone voice there at the beginning. Luckily, it's evened out by Ryan's super-excited face.

P.P.S. Shout out to Ryan who named this post. I just love me a man who can write. And loves Jimmer as much as I do.

P.P.P.S. Last night, this post peaked at 32 views. Coincidence? I think not.

The Latest

Hello everyone. Now that I'm starting to slip out of my Christmas coma, reality is beginning to set in. We've done a lot of thinking about 2010 and looking forward to 2011. And as far as we can see, it's going to be a really good year.
The big news first—the job hunt is officially over. I was actually lucky enough to get two offers and we had just shy of seven hours to make a decision. It was perhaps the best/most stressful day of my adult (ha! adult? me?) life. To make a very long story short, the hardest decision is ALWAYS between two good things. But the nice thing about those decisions is that you can't really go wrong.

Thanks to my awesome friend/supervisor at the Ensign, who got me in touch with the right people, I start my new job tomorrow. I'll be working at PMI and I'm pretty thrilled about it. It's going to be strange to not be "the intern" anymore (I wore that hat right out with internships at two different companies for a combined 12 months), though I think I'll somehow manage.

I will be writing, which I think is most of what is making me so excited about it all. PMI is an education company that teaches business owners how to be successful, and I'll be writing articles and blog posts for their websites.

OK, OK. Enough about me. Ryan is starting his second semester at BYU and he's ready to go full speed ahead. He just finished a really good semester, and I think he's really found what he's good at. I love seeing the programs he writes and hearing about all the things he's learning. He loves his group and they work really well together. Basically, he's doing great.

In other news, we have all kinds of plans to read lots of books, watch lots of movies (thanks Dallin and Cecily!), play lots of Wii games (thanks Mom and Dad B.!), and basically wear all our fun Christmas gifts right out. I have big dreams of sewing up a storm (thanks Camille and Bonnie!) and Ryan will be navigating us all over the place (thanks Mom and Dad O.!). And as usual, we'll be spending several nights with these fellas,

whom we love.

2011, I have a really good feeling about you.

Birth-day? Ha! Birth-WEEK

Two nights ago, I dreamed that everyone forgot my birthday. It was horrible.

Last night, I dreamed that Ryan and our two teenage children forgot my birthday. That was bizarre.

I started to think I had some sort of unresolved issue about my birthday, but I honestly think it's going to be a pretty good day. Ryan thinks he doesn't have anything for my birthday. But this weekend I'm getting:

1. A trip to Utah
2. A Saturday without going to work
3. A new apartment
4. Possibly some new storage bins
5. A trip to Spanish Fork to see this cute girl get baptized:

6. The beginning of a new adventure in Provo with my best friend.

Sounds like a pretty good birthday if you ask me.

Half-iversary

Happy six-monthiversary to US!



















We've been a family for six months today, and we're so excited! We're generally finishers, but in the half of a year we've been married we've done a lot of things halfway. We have:

1. Finished half of school year
2. Driven halfway across the U.S.















3. Read half of the Book of Mormon
4. Been married longer than half the people in our ward
5. Endured half of a Rexburg winter
6. Bought each other half as many Christmas gifts as we got last year
7. Bought everything marked half price at Broulim's
8. Gone to half the temples in Idaho
9. Learned to get by on half the closet space we used to have
10. Made half as many phone calls as we did while we were dating
11. Gotten Bre halfway up on waterskis (SO close ... next summer ...)
12. Worked two part-time (half-time?) jobs
13. Ruined half of our laundry (the darks, to be exact) with an exploding pen (thanks for your help in recovering them, Mom!)
14. Scored half as many points as my dad in Scattergories
15. Changed our class schedules half a dozen times so we could eat lunch together on some days
16. Forgotten to pack lunches on the half of those days
17. Had the best half-of-a-year ever.

We love life. We love each other. And we love being married.